theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
