Soap is not a condiment
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
