Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
