She said her name was "party"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
