I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
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It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
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plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye