hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
He melted the stem
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.