i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.