he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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