my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
