my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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