Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
