I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
