4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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