Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
