i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high