Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.