I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just had sex bonerless
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
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You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked