I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
