just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my sisters under your porch take her home
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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