Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
