I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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