my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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