i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
