i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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