Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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