I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
love makes seman taste better
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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