talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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