I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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