i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
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I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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