hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
