I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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