aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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