They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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