So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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