I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
