this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
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Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?