I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
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Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
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fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch