Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.