I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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