I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.