we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
