Texts From Last Night

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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Everytime we come here you have an ex here.

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  (985): Everytime we come here you have an ex here. http://tfl.nu/ev6m
  Replies (16) Good night (569) Bad night (1015)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time

  (1-763): View more from Minnesota

  Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.

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  (763): So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time (1-763): Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother. http://tfl.nu/6l4l
  Replies (29) Good night (1241) Bad night (2791)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.

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  (651): she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks. http://tfl.nu/ad27
  Replies (16) Good night (4422) Bad night (831)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same

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  (203): so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same http://tfl.nu/kiu0
  Replies (19) Good night (6152) Bad night (1040)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.

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  (513): I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration. http://tfl.nu/lghq
  Replies (7) Good night (846) Bad night (2186)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi

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  (712): Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi http://tfl.nu/26u7
  Replies (3) Good night (2116) Bad night (1063)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.

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  (409): i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes. http://tfl.nu/ajvi
  Replies (3) Good night (1328) Bad night (647)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.

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  (804): I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up. http://tfl.nu/0inz
  Replies (16) Good night (1313) Bad night (834)
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  (951): View more from California

  You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.

  (1-951): View more from California

  This is the first time I'm hearing this information.

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  (951): You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you. (1-951): This is the first time I'm hearing this information. http://tfl.nu/wdlz
  Replies (20) Good night (3826) Bad night (690)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!

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  (412): The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!! http://tfl.nu/4cxl
  Replies (7) Good night (777) Bad night (1051)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"

  (630): View more from Illinois

  you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you

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  (312): I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD" (630): you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you http://tfl.nu/ztcf
  Replies (6) Good night (2132) Bad night (513)
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  (415): View more from California

  If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league

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  (415): If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league http://tfl.nu/jv3f
  Replies (2) Good night (913) Bad night (340)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me

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  (727): She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me http://tfl.nu/h7g4
  Replies (3) Good night (1399) Bad night (330)
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  (510): View more from California

  How do we stop her downward spiral?

  (1-510): View more from California

  Wine. For us.

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  (510): How do we stop her downward spiral? (1-510): Wine. For us. http://tfl.nu/x3co
  Replies (6) Good night (635) Bad night (340)
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  (589): View more from

  seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.

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  (589): seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him. http://tfl.nu/0cck
  Replies (2) Good night (275) Bad night (587)

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