i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
