The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
