playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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