i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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