she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
