did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
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He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
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I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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