What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
