Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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