remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
