You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Come share oat with me in your robe
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
