my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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