I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it ðŸ˜
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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