I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
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Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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