my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
