I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
