marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
