i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
