I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
