everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
