How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
