Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
