Did you just see the Batmobile???
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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