That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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