You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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