Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
