i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
