Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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