lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Never let your siblings swipe right.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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