you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
