so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
