I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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