what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize