I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
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Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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