i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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