hotel room ftw
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
