Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
