and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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