dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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